“When your son asks…” Part 3: Death and Tragedy

Today I’d like to tackle a tough question, actually a question not just asked by kiddos, but one that many adults struggle with as well—death.  When we experience death—be it of a family member, friend, or even beloved pet—or when we see deadly disasters, such as the recent earthquake in Haiti, we are often left with an unsettled “why” question.  Perhaps more than any other topic, parents are unsure how to answer these tough questions from their children. At times it may seem easier to give simple answers such as “they’re in a better place” or “it was just their time,” or perhaps avoid the topic all together: My grandparents used to tell a humorous story about my mom as a child and her pet goldfish.  Every day when she got home from school, my mom would run to check on her goldfish and feed it.  One day while she was at school, the goldfish died.  In an effort to avoid heartache, my grandma sent my grandpa to the store to buy a new one, hoping my mom wouldn’t notice the difference.  The only problem—the goldfish he brought back was much larger.  They put it in the tank and when my mom got home, she ran to check on the goldfish.  Fearing her reaction and the ensuing conversation, my grandma soon heard her daughter exclaim: “Momma! Momma! My fish grew today!”

Perhaps you’ve been tempted to spare your child heartache through similar means.  But the reality is, death is unavoidable and each encounter with it provides an opportunity to learn, grow, and place faith in our all-loving, all-powerful, Father.

In understanding the answer to this question, we return once again to the three-part story of God’s creation, man’s sin, and God’s redemption.

When God first created the world, it was good, actually He called it, “very good” (Genesis 1:31).  There was no death or decay. Violence, disasters, and heartache were unknown to the world. Man experienced perfect fellowship with their Creator.  However, in man’s deliberate rejection of the Creator, sin entered the world. This sin changed everything.  As God said, “in the day you eat of, you will surely die” (Genesis 2:17), and thusly death entered the world.

This death is two-fold: a spiritual separation from the Creator and physical death (which also brings with it aging and illness).  A few weeks ago at the Oatway Children’s Life Group, we learned about the devastating effects of sin, making a “Death came through sin” collage which included pictures of people, places, and animals demonstrating some of the effects of sin. Pictures included dangerous animals, buildings destroyed by disaster, people fighting, dead plants, families plagued by famine, and signs of war and pollution—all of which were not a part of God’s design for Earth but brought on through our sin.

When facing the issue of death in your family, it is important to explain to children that this is not how God intended the world to be.  As a loving God, His plan was for us to experience paradise—not pain and suffering.  Those came into the picture when we rebelled against His created order. Children (and us adults too!) need to understand God’s love in times of tragedy.  Explaining the underlying reason for death and heartache can be a helpful first step in building trust amidst sorrow.

And it doesn’t simply in there.  As Paul says, “But thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!” (2 Corinthians 9:15). Mankind is not left in a cycle of heartache as consequence for our sin.  Although we fully deserve to experience death and separation from the source of life, God provided a solution.  He sent His son, Jesus, to take on our sins through death on the cross and then conquer death through His resurrection. Because of this sacrifice, we can have our sins forgiven and enjoy a reversal of its effects.

Yes, we will still experience pain on Earth, but we have the promise of something more.  We have the opportunity to have a relationship with Him right now. We also have the promise that through accepting this gift, we will be with Him for eternity (Luke 23:43). And one day, He will recreate the Heavens and Earth, restoring it to its original state of perfection; we will have new bodies, ones not subject to death, pain, or sorrow.

Explaining this hope to children can provide comfort in the face of death or fear of their own death.

The subject of death does not need to by shied away from and may be a topic to consider discussing with your child before faced with it personally, as it provides a great opportunity for you to speak openly and honestly with your child, helping them to see God’s bigger picture, including His love and mercy. Explore the Scriptures with your child, discovering His promises about Heaven.  A book I highly recommend on the subject is “Heaven for Kids” by Randy Alcorn (the adult version is fantastic as well).  In this book, Randy Alcorn builds hope and anticipation through understanding the realities of an eternity with our Creator, something that we all need a good reminder of!